"Dreadful Distractions"

"I am afflicted and ready to die from my youth up: while I suffer thy terrors I am distracted." (Psalms 88:15)
Okay, so this might not count, but I was distracted this morning by forgetting to put the pot below the coffee maker; coffee everywhere! Actually, I think I was better suited for death about 35 years and 4 months ago, which was about that time when I first accepted Christ into my heart; since then, it has been a constant battle to feel accepted by God. Don't get me wrong, I know that I have been saved; that issue has been settled over and over again. It's that part about me having done enough, that's the part that keeps me looking over my shoulder and wondering who I have let down alone the way. I like my steak cooked medium-rare, but when I stand in His presence, I want to hear, "Well done!" Some might think it is a waste of time to think about the past, as if there is nothing you can do about it, so why waste your time thinking about it. I say, it depends what parts you are focused upon; if you are thinking about all of your accomplishments, don't bother, those are in the can and have been far spent already. But, if you are thinking about where you went wrong, those are things that we learn by, the things that make us try harder to get it right, and the things that make us ask God for forgiveness. Oh, you didn't realize you needed to ask Him more than once? "Lord, forgive me, I have betrayed you again!" And the Lord will say, "No, it's all just the same betrayal." Yes and No! He knows long before we do anything wrong that it's going to happen, but we on the other hand, we have no clue of the kind of wrong we are capable of doing. If I had known then what I would do in the future, I would have signed up to be a Monk or joined a Monastery. Maybe like Martin Luther did, once he discovered he could not stop committing sins before the Lord. Anywho, the Lord knows what you will do beforehand, so it's pretty much all the same sin, as far as He is concerned; but we on the other hand, to us it's a brand new sin, and it's got to be confessed and dealt with. If nothing less, it is for conscience sake; but in reality, it is us asking Him to forgive us! That's what we do! We sin and ask God for forgiveness! Rinse and Repeat, just like it says on the shampoo bottle; again and again, as often I you need to until you're spotless before Him. It's really not all that complicated, but we sure do make it out to be that way...
"Then Job spoke again: "If my misery could be weighed and my troubles be put on the scales, they would outweigh all the sands of the sea. That is why I spoke impulsively. For the Almighty has stuck me down with his arrows. Their poison infects my spirit. God's terrors are lined up against me. Don't I have a right to complain? Don't wild donkeys bray when they find no grass, and oxen bellow when they have no food? Don't people complain about unsalted food? Does anyone want the tasteless white of an egg? My appetite disappears when I look at it; I gag at the thought of eating it! "Oh that I might have my request, that God would grant my desire. I wish he would crush me. I wish he would reach out his hand and kill me. At least I can take comfort in this: I have not denied the words of the Holy One. But I don't have the strength to endure. I have nothing to live for. Do I have the strength of a stone? Is my body made of bronze? No, I am utterly helpless, without any chance of success."" (Job 6:1-13) NLT