"To-And-Fro"

 "Now is my soul troubled; and what shall I say? Father, save me from this hour: but for this cause came I unto this hour." (John 12:27 KJV)

  "Now when people take an oath, they call on someone greater than themselves to hold them to it. And without any question that oath is binding. God also bound himself with an oath, so that those who received the promise could be perfectly sure that he would never change his mind. So God has given us both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God's inner sanctuary. Jesus has already gone in there for us. He has become our eternal High Priest in the order of Melchizedek." (Hebrews 6:16-20 NLT)

 I will try very hard not to mess this up! As many of you know, I have a wife that is mostly brain-dead, which is referred to, as a Persistent Vegetative State. She has been in this condition since August 12th, 2003, and I have been caring for her at home since around November 15th, 2003. Having her here is a blessing and a curse, as I am living with the torment of seeing her kept in this state, but at the same time, I find joy in taking care of her, making it my honor to do so!

 You may have heard me say this before, but it not my duty or role to end her suffering; that is totally and completely in God's hand. My duty and role are to keep her as comfortable as possible and keep showing her the love that she deserves. Other than that, I pray for her constantly and read her God's word, as the instructions in Ephesians 5 say I should do. 

 The reason I share this, is because the question of why Jesus is saying what He says, is not because He has any doubt or fear of what is at hand, but because this is the thing we should always do: Settle the issue within our hearts! If we have a situation that we are troubled with, then we need to weigh the bad and the good, making the good that is going to come of it, the thing that gives us hope! 

 Yesterday I listened to a very complex message. I say complex, because it involved surrendering to God will without abandonment of our free will, but at the same time, making God's will totally and completely free to rule our lives. I know it's a little hard to understand, but it really is quite like what you must do if you are drowning, and a lifeguard is trying to rescue you: You stay calm and still, letting him save you; otherwise, he will wait for you to drown! 

 Don't quite understand why Marianne is still here, but I am at peace with whatever God is doing! He knows the things that we need to experience in this life; He knows what is best for us to live through, that He should get the glory: we know absolutely nothing, but that which He shows us. Thus far, what He has shown me is to care for my wife, as I said that I would, in an oath: "Until death do us part"...

"I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength to do his work. He considered me trustworthy and appointed me to serve him, even though I used to blaspheme the name of Christ. In my insolence, I persecuted his people. But God had mercy on me because I did it in ignorance and unbelief. Oh, how generous and gracious our Lord was! He filled me with the faith and love that come from Christ Jesus. This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners" - and I am the worst of them all. But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with even the worst sinners. Then others will realize that they, too, can believe in him and receive eternal life. All honor and glory to God forever and ever! He is the eternal King, the unseen one who never dies; he alone is God. Amen." (1 Timothy 1:12-17 NLT)