"Melancholia"

"I am counted with them that go down into the pit: I am a man that hath no strength: Free among the dead, like the slain that lie in the grave, whom thou rememberest no more: and they are cut off from thy hand." (Psalms 88:4-5)
This is part and parcel of what it's like to recognize our sinful condition. Nothing cries out, I am unworthy, more, than to study the sinfulness that lies within our hearts and minds. So why do it? Why even dwell on the garbage that is inside you? Maybe that's why I am so inflicted, so I don't take the time to dwell upon stuff that does not matter; instead, I constantly study my wife, looking for some sort of sign of communication. We can try hard to find answers for feelings that cause us to doubt, but love is not conditioned upon feelings or emotions; love is not a movable object; love is not based upon our needs or our wants; love, it just is! When we examine what is good and what is bad, the good that is within us really does not count; our righteousness is filthy rags before God. The bad, bad is a matter of interpretation; because bad could simply mean, was it worthless? That might be why I am so impressed by Solomon's conclusion. The King James version of verse 13 is: "Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man." How is that going for you so far? Have you been able to keep His commandments? I am pretty sure that the answer is no! But if you study the passage carefully, you will find that there are two words that make the conclusion open ended, which are the words "whole," because whole means to look at it in it's entirety. In actuality, we are not capable of looking at anything in it's entirety; we only get to see portions of God's workmanship, the small little portions that surround our individual lives; and even then, we still don't see all that is going on around us, only what we want to see, or think we see. The footnote in my Bible, says this regarding verse 13-14: "In the original Hebrew text, verse 13 begins with an enlarged Hebrew character, no doubt emphasizing the importance of the statement. The Preacher has taken us on a journey through all types of doubts and fears which man may encounter during his lifetime. His theme has been that all things which now seem important are utterly empty in the final analysis. In conclusion, here is the remedy for all the despondency that comes from observing human misery, the real answer which will remove all the perplexities- "fear God and keep His commandments." Man has no other responsibility than this. A person does not want to be found before God in judgment, weighed down with the excess baggage of so many things which he thought were so important in life, but which will be utterly empty, worthless, and futile, when he had but one responsibility." Oh, how we make things so complicated...
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding the shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God's throne. Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won't become weary and give up. After all, you have not yet given your lives in your struggle against sin." (Hebrews 12:1-4) NLT