"Whoso eateth my flesh, and drinketh my blood, hath eternal life; and I will raise him up at the last day." (John 6:54 KJV)
"But what things were gain to me, those I count loss for Christ. Yea, doubtless, I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I might win Christ, and be found in him, not having my own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith: that I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his suffering, being made conformable unto his death; if by any means I might attain unto the resurrection of the dead." (Philippians 3:7-11 KJV)
If it feels as though we are going in circles, it is because we are! Call it for what it is, the circle of life; which is really not that difficult to comprehend, because we never stop learning how to cope, because we never really run out of hope. Besides that, Jesus has given us His word: He will raise us up at the last day!
I guess if it takes understanding, then I have failed to understand everything that I should; but, if you are really interested, it is really best to just keep it simple: Love God and do good, for He is GOOD! If you don't know by now, it is not really up to us to make anything happen; we just need to obey God and be amazed. Let God work out all of the details, we just need to do whatever He leads us to do, not asking questions.
The more you think about it, the more you try to make it about you; the harder you think about it, the more complicated it becomes. Why do you want to make things complicated or personal? Make it a habit of saying, 'Lord, I don't know what you are doing, but I trust you; use me to do your will.'
Long story short, Live out Christ...
"For he has not ignored or belittled the suffering of the needy. He has not turned his back on them, but has listened to their cries for help. I will praise you in the great assembly. I will fulfill my vows in the presence of those who worship you. The poor will eat and be satisfied. All who seek the LORD will praise him. Their hearts will rejoice with everlasting joy." (Psalm 22:24-26 NLT)
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